Should I Forgive or Divorce? | Journal Entry (19)-October 8, 2021

Since my last journal entry, I have had time to read most of your comments, speak to close friends and family, in-laws, older married couples, pray, watch many marriage/relationships videos and Tyler Perry movies.

As I reminisce on all of what I’ve learned, there’s one testimony that stuck out, and this goes for both women and men. We need to stop elevating or comparing our partners to perfection. Meaning our ideal of a perfect man or woman should be.

They should be faithful

They should be very smart

They should be sexy and fit

They should be a freak

They should never lie

They should be domestic and handy

They should be passionate

They should have lots of money

They should …

The list goes on—and upon looking at the list, I feel like a fool, a hypocrite, and biased. Because I’m not 100% on that list, but yet I want him to. I mean, I retaliated against my husband by having an affair, and I never saw a man heartbreak in front of me as he had done. Tears formed in his eyes, and he immediately excused himself and left me sitting there for a long time. I was so angry, whereas I didn’t care at the time how much he hurt. I was happy to see him cry. I was that angry. (I do have my dad’s anger and my late mother hurtful words and actions)

As time went on, he forgave me, and we called it even. This man was willing to let slide the cheating because he felt he deserved it. I mean, he’s been allowing me to call him a cheater, a liar sporadically over the years. Because he thought he deserved it (tears). WOW! But still showing me, he’s not cheating, and he loves me.

He doesn’t deserve it. I realized that I took all of my anger, pain, and years of being mistreated by men out on him. I made him pay for all of them (not many, may I add). And he took it.


Despite all of that, he still works hard, does random romantic gestures, buys me anything I want if he can afford it, accompany me to any event. He listens to all of my ranting, cries, and anger about YouTube, even though he doesn’t understand it or care for that kind of gossip (lol). But he still listens and lets me do my thang. He helps me take care of my daughter. He never showed any signs of not trusting me, even after telling him about my revenge affair. He calls me his angel and that I would never lie to him.

But I did, didn’t I?

Was I ever in love with him?

Let me think…

I’ve been with this man for a full 20+ years and married for almost 11 years this November 13, 2021.

We’ve cried together

We’ve got sick together

We’ve struggled together

We’ve made it together

We’ve survived

That’s love.

I realized that my husband wasn’t my escape. He was my bridge that sometimes needs repairing because of the wear and tear from time, weather and storms.

Am I ready to say goodbye and tare it down?


Make a one-time donation

Make a monthly donation

Make a yearly donation

Choose an amount


Or enter a custom amount


Your contribution is appreciated.

Your contribution is appreciated.

Your contribution is appreciated.

DonateDonate monthlyDonate yearly

One Comment Add yours

  1. To ultimately answer your question: “Should you divorce him or not”… is tough for me to answer. Like you mentioned, it’s tough to keep labeling someone as “this” knowing that we all have our own mistakes and faults as well. It’s true that no one is perfect, but I do say to follow your own heart.

    I’ll be honest with you here: In my family, my great uncle was in love with her all the way until her unfortunate passing. Anyways, you know that part where they say… “Until Death Do You Part”, they proved it to the whole family. I mean they constantly stayed fighting and arguing with each other, set their own family on fire, and no one understood why they still stayed together, for years, as a couple. But now that she’s gone, I think a part of him still misses her presence since they both had children together that are still here and they check up on him from time to time.

    My grandmother stayed married to her husband, despite being separated from him for years, and never knew that he chose to marry another woman. This was all revealed after my grandmother wanted to separate from him legally in court and they gave her the news of his other marriage and of his death, a bigamist of a man in the end.

    There’s nothing wrong with just being friends. Perhaps marriage is a little tough sometimes, but there seems to be a spark of love between you two that still exists. The many times you wrote about whether you still love your husband makes me think that you both still do but in a different way. Example: I kept saying that my long-distance relationship is over, and yet, he still cares for me despite my MS illness and being so far away from me… and I still miss and love him as well.

    Voting time: I say stay with your love and see where it goes from there. Stay strong. 🙂


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s